I discovered something profound, something that shatters the mythology we're fed from childhood
I know it's been two years, and I've been silent for too long. The words I needed to say got stuck somewhere between my heart and my lips. I'm sorry I couldn't reach out sooner. Sometimes pain makes us quiet, even when we should be shouting our gratitude from rooftops.
To everyone who stood by us when my brother left this world... I see you now. I've always seen you, even when grief clouded my eyes and tangled my thoughts. You brought food when we couldn't think about cooking. You sat with us when silence was too heavy to bear alone. You called, you checked in, you remembered us when others chose to forget. Thank you. These two words feel too small for what you've done, but they come from the deepest part of my heart.
The funny thing about life is how it teaches you its hardest lessons in the darkest moments. It came to my revelation ofcourse that mountains are just for view and inspiration but fruits are grown in the valley. Likewise, my lowest times taught me the best lessons of life.
For two years, I've carried this weight, this knowledge that has transformed from a whisper to a scream.... the facade of family is the cruelest fiction we're taught to believe.
Anna..., when you left us, the world didn't just lose its color... it revealed its true face. Those who shared our so called DNA, the ones who sat at our table and smiled with borrowed warmth, showed themselves as nothing more than shadows wearing familiar faces. Our mother's brothers, your uncles who should have carried your memory with honor, couldn't even bear to look upon you one last time. Their absence spoke louder than any eulogy they could have offered.
"The wound is the place where the Light enters you." Like Peter confirms his doubts through wound... The revelation of facts costed your death...the light has entered, harsh and unforgiving, showing me truths I was too blind to see.
I remember how some played their parts so well, like actors in a tragic play. They stood beside us, wore the mask of grief, spoke words of comfort that evaporated like morning dew. Then, as quickly as they came, they vanished... armed with excuses as thin as paper, reasons as hollow as their promises. They retreated into their comfortable lives, leaving us to navigate the darkness alone.
But in this darkness, I discovered something profound, something that shatters the mythology we're fed from childhood: Family isn't a gift of birth – it's a choice made in the trenches of life's battles. As the obscure poet
I read somewhere.... Don't ask me where but I remember... "True kinship is not about the blood that flows through our veins, but the blood we would willingly spill for one another."
To those who stood with us....the "outsiders" as the world would call you.... I owe you an apology that has been two years in the making. You, who had no obligation defined by DNA or family trees, chose to be there. You held us up when our knees buckled under grief's weight. You brought light when our world went dark. Your presence wasn't mandated by biology but chosen through compassion. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to acknowledge your genuine love, your unwavering support. You have redefined family for me.
It took me so long to write these words... I wish I could explain grief to you... this strange beast that lives in my chest now. Some days it's a fog so thick I can't see my own hands in front of me, let alone find the right words to say. Other days it's a weight that pins every thought to the ground before it can reach my lips. Grief isn't just sadness ...it's a complete rewiring of your world. It's learning to breathe underwater while pretending you're still walking on land. It's catching yourself picking up the phone to call him, getting halfway through dialing before remembering. It's finding his favorite shirt and holding it until your knuckles turn white. It's both wanting to talk about him constantly and finding that your throat closes up every time you try. That's why these words took two years to form... because grief doesn't follow calendars or deadlines. It moves like water, finding its own path, its own time, and sometimes all you can do is let it carry you until you find solid ground again.
Anna, I speak now with certainty that defies what others call death... You are not gone. You are immortal in the truest sense...living in every breath I take, in every moment I choose to love despite the pain, in every time I recognize true family in the eyes of those who choose to stay. I will meet you again. This is not faith or hope... it is knowledge that burns in my bones.
Let those who abandoned us read these words and feel them like thorns. Let them recognize themselves in this mirror I hold up to their hollow hearts.
Somebody wrote... I probably don't remember... "Some people come to stay forever, Others teach us why they shouldn't."
I declare now, without shame or hesitation... Blood is nothing but chemistry. Family....true family is alchemy. It transforms strangers into siblings, friends into flesh and bone. To those who think DNA grants them rights to our hearts.... you are nothing but a cautionary tale. Family is earned in the crucible of crisis, proven in the moments when the world crumbles, and verified in the silence after the storm.
This is my truth, forged in the fire of loss, tempered in the waters of betrayal, and strengthened by the love of those who chose to be family when biology's chosen ones fled. My brother's physical absence taught me about spiritual presence, and about the family we choose being infinitely more precious than the family we're given.
To my true family...those who stayed, those who chose us, those who continue to choose us... thank you. You are the poetry written in the blank spaces left by others' departure. And to my Anna...Until we meet again, I'll continue to find you in the kindness of our chosen family, in the strength of true bonds, and in the love that defies both death and DNA.
And now, after these two years of silence, I'm ready to step back into the world a bit more. You'll see me on social media again. Not because the grief is less ...it never really gets less ...m but because I've learned to carry it differently.
-Pity Parker
19.11.2024
0 Comments